saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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