shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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