Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
