I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
