what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
