You work out of a Hotel?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
