I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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