just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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