The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
