We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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