It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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