At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
