how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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