i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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