You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
