i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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