OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
