Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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