Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
