Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
one might say we're banned from that church
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
