I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
