i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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