It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
