Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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