Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
