i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
