We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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