I think I just saw someone hide a body.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
