I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just threw up on my dentist
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
