There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
