I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
