So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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