More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My liver just broke up with me...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
