I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
