U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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