Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
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Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
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The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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