WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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