WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
