you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
