i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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