I'm jealous of your bromance
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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