I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
