I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
tell me about the eggs
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