I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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