what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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