I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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