pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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