last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
