He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We are all done wearing pants today
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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