god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
how drunk are you?
Several
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
