I'm so fucking centered right now
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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