don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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