Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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