even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
this hospital has no fireball
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
