woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
