So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
