I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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