So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
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Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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