remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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