if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
