We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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