I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
