So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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