i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
