can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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