as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
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Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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