How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
