is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
