even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
