fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
