Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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