I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
