Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
