so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
